I saw a Reddit post of someone ranking every currently aired episode of What We Do in the Shadows. I thought that, while some of their placements made sense, I didn't agree with where they placed a lot of episodes. Therefore, I've decided to do my own ranking of the first three seasons.
For my rankings I have episodes divided up between the excellent, the very good, the good, the decent, and the meh. Note that even episodes in "the meh" category are not bad and have definitely made me laugh, they're just the bottom of the barrel episodes of what is an overall very strong show. Even the weakest episode of What We Do in the Shadows is funny and ejoyable.
Let's not waste any time and get right to it. BAT!
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The Meh
30. S01E09: The Orgy
While this episode does provide me with some laughs, it's mostly all Jeremy-related. From Nandor barely being able to contain himself in the supermarket to Nadja happily exclaiming "Everyone, the virgin is here!" to everyone at the orgy, I just cannot not laugh at jokes centered around Jeremy. Unfortunately, and I know this is an unpopular opinion, the actual vampire's orgy that is being held in the episode itself doesn't really land for me. If it wasn't for Jeremy's presence, I don't feel like I'd ever feel inclined to watch this episode beyond maybe chuckling a bit at Laszlo's porn parody of Seinfeld.
29. S02E08: Collaboration
A pretty okay episode, but lacking in big laughs. Benjy is a weak character who never really made me laugh much and it's more Nandor's reaction to him being around that I enjoy. Laszlo and Nadja being a musical duet sounds like it would be funny and I remember being excited when I found out about the episode's premise in a promo, but their songs kind of fell flat when watching the actual episode. Guillermo becoming Celeste's "familiar" is probably the highlight of the episode with Nandor retrieving Guillermo and Celeste's master coming home being the high points of the entire episode.
28. S01E03: Werewolf Feud
This was actually the first episode of What We Do in the Shadows that I ever watched, and unfortunately I can't even credit it for hooking me on the show (a feat that Pilot and City Council instead managed to do after I watched them after seeing this episode). Werewolf Feud isn't a really bad episode and has a decent premise, but I find that the werewolf scenes usually fall slightly flat outside of a few good moments like Toby jumping off the roof of the former Best Buy to get the dog toy Nandor threw over the side. The strongest part of the episode actually has nothing to do with the werewolves and is instead the Colin storyline where he finds another energy vampire in his workplace which provides a few decent laughs.
The Decent
27. S02E09: Witches
I find this episode to me mildly forgettable when I'm not actively rewatching the show, but it hits some good notes when I do watch it. Watching everyone try to maneuver through the den of the witches in order to rescue Laszlo is fun, but the absolute highlight comes towards the end when the head witch, Lilith, proclaims that she fooled Laszlo by impersonating Nadja. I remember watching the episode and thinking, "Oh cool, we're going to get a Nadja impersonation on-screen", but what we did get was even funnier. We instead get Lilith turning into a woman who looks nothing like Nadja, but Laszlo still cannot tell the difference between the two women, which greatly (and hilariously) upsets Nadja.
26. S03E03: Gail
I found this episode to be pretty ho-hum on my initial viewing. The whole Gail storyline itself kind of drags a bit for a while, with the highlight of that story being how everyone accuses Nadja of hating and loathing Gail when she in fact doesn't mind her as a person and just dislikes how she breaks Nandor's heart every few decades. The better storyline in this episode is Colin and Laszlo palling around for the first legitimate time in the series. I love how they both individually confide in the film crew that they're hanging around each other because they each think that the other is feeling lonely. The Guide is also on form in this episode when she angrily berates Colin and Laszlo for how they hilariously missed the button to open the garage door.
25. S03E05: The Chamber of Judgement
A so-so episode. The return of Derek was fun to see, but he largely doesn't get to do very much other than say a few lines to Guillermo and get a mild toasting from the sun. I found the storyline with Sean getting involved in some weird pillow pyramid scheme to be the more interesting of the two, but even it didn't really hit any particular high. I did, however, appreciate how Sean was so awkward in trying to sell pillows to his friends and Colin and Laszlo that even Colin himself seemed confused and uncomfortable. Sean would probably make a good energy vampire. There's not really a lot to say about this episode other than that. No truly great overarching storylines, but there were some decent chuckles throughout the episode.
24. S01E04: Manhattan Night Club
I want to love this episode because I know that others do, but I always found that it was kind of mediocre outside of a few gags like Laszlo's witch skin hat or the introduction of Sam the Familiar (who later showed up in the previously mentioned Collaboration episode). I never felt like too many funny scenes happen in the night club itself, and Simon the Devious is decent but not great. Highlights of the episode include Simon introducing his entourage and the inevitable destruction of the night club after Simon acquires Laszlo's witch skin hat and the bad luck that accompanies it.
23. S03E07: The Siren
I was pleasantly surprised when this episode aired because I didn't expect another episode of Colin and Laszlo going on a little adventure together. This episode sees them steal a boat at the very start of the episode and then being lured to a small island in what I think is the Hudson River where a siren resides. The siren storyline honestly isn't fantastic, but I do like seeing Colin and Laszlo flip-flop between wanting to and not wanting to escape. Eventually Laszlo does, which leads to a hilarious sequence of events with him and Guillermo shopping at Best Buy. The Nadja Doll (finally mentioning her for the first time in these rankings) provides some good amusement in this episode, but I feel like she was at her funniest before she ran away from home rather than after. The scene of her sparring with Nandor was just too good.
The Good
22. S01E05: Animal Control
An episode that bounces back and forth between the awkward adventures of Laszlo being stuck in an animal shelter and Nadja spending time with Jeff Suckler. There are some genuinely good moments with Nadja in this episode as she goes on a date with Jeff at a local fair. I never cease to be amused at her throwing up after being fed popcorn, or dealing with the guys who make fun of her and Jeff. Nadja comparing Jeff's name to a weak ejaculation is the high point though, and is still one of the absolute best lines of the entire series thus far. While all that's going on, Colin and Nandor work on trying to free Laszlo from the animal shelter with little success before eventually having to call Nadja to come help them. The animal shelter side of the episode can be funny, but it's Nadja's scenes with Jeff that are where this episode shines brightest.
21. S01E08: Citizenship
An episode with a so-so storyline (Jenna and Nadja) and a fantastic one (Guillermo and Nandor). The secondary storyline with Nadja trying to help Jenna adapt to life as a vampire is amusing at times, but I felt that it was pretty flat outside of Jenna's discovery that she can turn invisible. Meanwhile, Nandor aspires to feel like he truly belongs to something and wants to call himself an American, which leads to all sorts of silly hijinks with him referencing the 1992 Olympics men's basketball team as well as his awkward interactions with a goverment worker when he goes to apply for US citizenship. Nandor tries to hypnotize the worker which shockingly fails, leading to Nandor believing that government workers are already dead inside. Guillermo also has a nice uplifting moment with Nandor towards the end. As for Colin and Laszlo, they are criminally underused in this episode. I don't even remember Colin doing or saying anything and Laszlo's mostly just there to berate Jenna for a moment.
20. S02E07: The Return
A broken and destitute Simon the Devious returns and manipulates Laszlo and Nadja into inviting him to stay with them. Along for the ride is Simon's new friend Carol, a rather grotesque vampire who looks more like an abomination than anything. There are some really great jokes with Carol, like Nandor asking her if she wants to go to Guillermo's room, to which Simon dryly mentions she only wants to do so that she can eat Guillermo. The conflict between Guillermo and Carol is quite good, but the best parts of the episode come after Guillermo kills Carol and Simon reveals that he returned simply to take the witch skin hat back from Laszlo again. It is hilarious watching Nandor try to cover up that Guillermo killed Carol in such an incompetent and buffoonish way. I love when Simon is asking where Carol is and Nandor replies "Guillermo didn't kill her!", to which Simon shouts back, "WHY WOULD YOU PHRASE IT THAT WAY?"
19. S03E01: The Prisoner
The third season starts off with a bit of a whimper, but this episode has a lot of funny little moments. Guillermo revealing that he was never stuck in his cage was amusing, and Colin being referred to as "Colin Reubenstein" by the vampire played by Taika Waititi (no, it's not Viago). The Guide being hopelessly perplexed by the fact that the Staten Island crew are now the leaders of the Vampiric Council is a funny development, and I got a kick out of them touring around the Vampiric Council headquarters. While not a super strong episode, it had a lot of fun little moments. Colin's scat fetish/obsession came totally out of left field and felt out of place with the character, but that's really the only strike against the episode as a whole.
18. S01E10: Ancestry
An overall enjoyable episode from start to finish. There are a few good moments at the start when Guillermo comes in with everyone's ancestry test results and Colin opens his to find that it simply says "100% White" on it. Nandor finding out about his elderly ancestor named Madeline and wanting to meet her is weirdly sweet, but of course his efforts completely backfire when he instead causes her to have a heart attack after levitating outside of her window and waking her in the middle of the night. The resulting nighttime funeral scene is hilarious as the vampires try their best to remain in the church for Nandor's sake, only for all of them except Nandor having to leave on account of burning and oozing blood. Guillermo dumping holy water on Nandor to try and put out his flames are the icing on the cake for what is an overall enjoyable episode.
17. S02E10: Nouveau Théâtre des Vampires
Watching the vampires try to survive without Guillermo after he leaves to move back into his mother's cramped apartment is hilarious, as it only highlights how much they unknowingly depend on him. Just what did they do before he became Nandor's familiar? Their ineptitude is on full display when they are all fooled into attending a fake vampiric theatre performance that instead ends up being a rouse intended to lure them to their own deaths, but not before their exploits are hilariously re-enacted for them on stage by other vampires. Of course, Guillermo arrives to save the day and take out an entire room of vampires. The ending to this episode was great and served as a fantastic cliffhanger to end the season on.
The Very Good
15. S03E02: The Cloak of Duplication
As soon as the Cloak of Duplication was shown off by The Guide, I knew what kind of weird direction this episode was going to go in and it did not disappoint. With Nandor feeling loveless and desperate to win the heart of a gym employee named Meg, he turns to Laszlo to use the cloak to turn into him and seduce Meg. Instead we get the rest of the cast (sans Nadja for now) posing as Nandor to try and win Meg's affection. Colin and Laszlo both screw things up as you'd expect them to, but then Guillermo comes in and manages to do well enough to take Meg out for a bite to eat. Thanks to Guillermo's success, Nandor thinks he has a shot when he approaches Meg only to find out that she's a lesbian. What made this episode work so well were Kayvan Novak's impersonations of the rest of the cast. His Laszlo impersonation was kind of spotty, but he absolutely nailed Colin and Guillermo. A really fun episode.
14. S03E09: A Farewell
A moderately funny episode in which Nandor, fresh off of being returned home from the vampire cult in The Wellness Center, decides to enter a "super slumber", which is a lengthy vampiric hibernation that could last several hundred years. At the same time, the Guide arrives to tell the household that visitors from the worldwide Vampiric Council will be arriving for a blood feast that same night - which is coincidentally Colin's 100th birthday. I like this episode because it reveals why Laszlo had become so close to Colin over the course of the third season, and we get the bombshell that he's going to die before sunrise. The episode ends tragically when Nandor, awakened from his super slumber for the third or fourth time, thinks that Colin is pulling a prank when he finally expires and hits Colin's corpse in the face... only to cave his face in. I didn't even mention the cameos in the episode, or the Council checking out Nandor's penis when he had to pretend to play dead. All in all a really solid episode.
13. S02E02: Ghosts
The vampires summon their ghosts after coming to the realization that, since they're technically dead, they should have ghosts. Nandor trying to connect to his ghost and educating the audience on his horse Jahan/John was amusing, and Nadja and her ghost hitting it off and making fun of Jeff entertained, but it was Laszlo helping his ghost achieve a final orgasm before being able to pass on that made the episode. Nadja entering the room and believing that the copious amounts of semen was ghost ectoplasm was hilarious. Colin summoning the spirit of his grandmother just so that he can get someone to ask him "what's updog?" was also fun.
12. S02E03: Brain Scramblies
This episode plods along at an awkward pace and I'm never really sure just how much time passes throughout the episode, but it has some hilarious moments. Nadja reconnecting with Sean's mother, Joan, leads to a lot of really funny one liners from Nadja. Sean showing off his collection of Ocean's Eleven memorabilia followed by Laszlo telling him to stop talking about the sea gets me every single time. Elsewhere, Guillermo accidentally infiltrates a group of amateur vampire slayers led by the always awesome Craig Robinson. When Guillermo earns their respect, leading to leader Claude (Craig Robinson) telling Guillermo that he's a cool dude with awesome crossbow skills, you really feel good for Guillermo and it's nice seeing him being respected for a change.
11. S02E05: Colin's Promotion
The first episode in the top ten's certainly a good one, but it has a few short ho-hum scenes that don't connect. Fortunately, most of the episode is really funny. After Colin gets a promotion at work, he starts to develop insanely powerful abilities to the point where he becomes legitimately the most dangerous entity on the show so far. Watching Colin learn to drain energy by making people laugh was great, and his resentment towards the rest of the vampires growing throughout the episode as he begins to care less and less about them is a fascinating watch since, in the past, Colin partially relied on them for feeding. Colin's power becomes so out of control at the end of the episode that it looks like all hope is lost until he and two Colin clones end up draining one another to death. Fortunately a depowered Colin survives and develops a new appreciation for his "roomies" after he realizes they actually do care about him in their own weird ways.
10. S03E10: The Portrait
Oh no, everyone's leaving! Obviously this would have hit harder had we not known that season four was confirmed before the third season even started, but it was still really intriguing to see Guillermo trying to convince both Nadja and Nandor that they didn't want to leave Staten Island. I loved seeing Baron Afanas and the Sire again even if they weren't really used much in this episode, just knowing that they were awkwardly sitting in the foyer for pretty much the entire episode while everyone else ran around the house screaming was funny. Gotta say that Laszlo has probably won me over and is probably my favourite character again after this season, and this episode in particular. Choosing to stay behind to look after the reborn Colin Robinson was a big decision, but Nadja's probably going to want to kill him for sending Guillermo to London with her instead of himself. A pretty strong season finale with lots of excellent cliffhangers.
9. S03E04: The Casino
A really enjoyable episode from start to finish. This was the first time we had seen Sean since Brain Scramblies, and he did not disappoint as we found out how serious of a gambling addiction he had. Not sure how he recovered from the double hypnosis performed by Laszlo and Nandor in Brain Scramblies, but I wasn't really bothered by that. There are some great moments in this episode like the vampires awkwardly quizzing Guillermo at the buffet table to make him feel appreciated, Colin watching his "favourite show" on the TV in their hotel room, Nadja reconnecting with who she thinks are the original members of the Rat Pack, Nandor becoming addicted to slot machines (the Big Bang Theory machine in particular), and Guillermo going on a trip throughout Europe to collect ancestral earth for the three vampires after a cleaning lady disposes of the dirt that they had brought with them from home. This episode came out of nowhere and honestly delivered a lot of big laughs.
8. S01E01: Pilot
Pilot episodes are usually fairly weak, but this series really started out strong and came out of the gate swinging. The debut of Baron Afanas, Nandor wanting to buy "creepy paper" (crêpe paper) and throwing ancient coins at a cashier, and Nadja introducing Jeff to the audience before creepily approaching him and awkwardly fawning over him all make this episode a hilarious start to the series. Guillermo going out to find virgins and bringing Jenna and Jonathan home was a great scene with Laszlo asking them if they are virgins and Jonathan retorting with "I don't see how that's relevant" to him. Also, Laszlo talking about when Nadja turned him into a vampire also deserves praise. When he says that someone was knocking on his window and he wonders who the hell it is because he lives on the third floor? Gets me every single time. Matt Berry has the absolute best comedic timing and delivery of any actor in years.
7. S01E02: City Council
This episode seems like it might be a weak follow-up to the first episode, but once it takes off... hoo boy! This episode has just far too many things that make me laugh. Colin basically orgasming from all of the energy he's feeding on at the city council, Nandor almost eating the microphone when addressing the council (before subsequently trying to assert dominance over them), and Laszlo getting wrapped up in Barbara Lazarro's raccoon problem are all hilarious, but nothing beats Doug Peterson's meltdown after Nandor hypnotizes him through the ether. It is absolutely HYSTERICAL watching security tackle him as he's screaming at Barbara Lazarro. When Doug says that he was contacted by a slouching demon in the night, I love Nandor proudly pointing to himself as he looks towards the camera. Such a wild ride the moment the vampires enter the city council chambers early on in the episode, and it doesn't slow down until the credits roll.
6. S01E07: The Trial
Most people seem to rate this episode highly because of all of the celebrity cameos during the trial, but the only one that really stands out for me is Wesley Snipes attending the trial via a Skype call and constantly having to contend with lag caused by a bad connection, resulting in him responding late or being way behind on what is being discussed. The best part of the episode is Guillermo contending with his guilt over accidentally "killing" Baron Afanas followed by he and Colin coming to the rescue of the vampires after they are sentenced to death and left in a well where they are to die by sunlight. There aren't many things that stand out in this episode and there's no overly memorable and hilarious scene (though Laszlo admitting to turning a baby into a vampire is so close), the episode as a whole is just extremely enjoyable from start to finish.
The Excellent
5. S02E04: The Curse
You know what kind of episode you are in for when, in the first few minutes, you have Nandor trying to bring a laptop out of sleep mode by doing hand motions towards it and commanding it to "arise" as if he's trying to animate a zombie... all while Guillermo gives the camera his best "Jim Stare" of the entire series thus far. The episode just gets better and better as Nandor and the other vampires contend with a spam email that proclaims that they have been cursed (which of course the three idiots take seriously) before kicking it into high gear when Guillermo and the amateur vampire hunters venture to a creepy house for their first hunt which inevitably leads to them retreating hastily from the house. The botched vampire hunt is so hilarious and well shot that I'd say that it's possibly the best few minutes in the entirety of the series thus far.
4. S01E06: Baron's Night Out
The absolute best episode of the first season by what feels like a country mile. Baron Afanas decides that he wants to have a night out on the town, which leads to all sorts of crazy and wild shenanigans. Baron Afanas wanting to attack Sean twice in the span of one minute cracks me up, as does Baron Afanas being ridiculed by passersby for wearing a New Jersey Devils jersey. Honestly, I could name everything that happens in this episode as a high point, and it all ends with the hilarious accidental "killing" of Baron Afanas by Guillermo when he's coming home in the morning and the rising sun shining through the front door roasts the Baron. I didn't even mention the eating of pizza, drinking shots, or drug blood. There's just so much comedy gold in this episode. From start to finish, this episode is fantastic.
3. S03E06: The Escape
Baron Afanas rises from the dead! Or, well, he was never dead. When it was revealed that he survived off of the blood of decomposing corpses while buried in the yard for over a year, I am pretty sure I laughed my head off. The episode revolves around the vampire household (along with Baron Afanas and The Guide) hunting down the ancient vampire known as The Sire, and it's just a hoot and a half the whole way through. Baron Afanas is easily the best part of the episode, and his various modes of transportation (Derek's hellhound, being carried by The Guide, and then driving around in a children's ride on car) throughout the episode absolutely kill me. Nandor's makeshift battle armor and Laszlo swallowing a harmonica are additional highlights, but the real highlight is the ending where we discover that Derek's hellhound, The Sire, and Baron Afanas live together and are renting out an Airbnb to lure in victims to feed off of. Seeing The Sire place Baron Afanas on a freaking coat hanger to answer the door when new victims arrive is the funniest thing I've seen in the show thus far.
2. S02E01: Resurrection
I remember people being kind of lukewarm towards this episode at the time, but I have loved it to bits since day one. The episode feels fairly formulaic and standard at first, but then Topher dies. That is when the episode kicks things into high gear and the jokes start getting thrown around at breakneck speed. Wallace the necromancer scatting during the resurrection of Topher is one of the funniest things to happen in the entire show, and Guillermo having to contend with a zombified Topher who is out to get him for the remainder of the episode is ungodly funny. The moment the vampires visit Wallace to bring Topher back to life, the episode starts firing on all cylinders and doesn't relent until the mid-credits gag ends. Resurrection is the one episode of this show that I have undoubtedly watched the most of. If you want to get someone into the show, this is absolutely one of the episodes that I'd recommend you show them.
1. S02E06: On the Run
Honestly, what else could it have been? Laszlo going on the run to avoid paying a debt off to Jim the Vampire (played by freakin' Mark Hamill of all people) and winding up in a small town in Pennsylvania where he kills a bar owner and assumes control of it under the guise of Jackie Daytona (who is just a regular human bartender), and then developing an appreciation for volleyball of all things. This episode may not be exceedingly clever like some others on the list, but it is funny, goofy, and silly in all the right ways. Watching Mark Hamill chew the scenery as Jim the Vampire is a real treat, but nothing beats Laszlo Jackie Daytona falling in love with his new life. This episode is just perfect in every way, and it has only one fault which is that I would not recommend it to new viewers since it more or less focuses solely on Laszlo. For returning viewers though, this episode is a comedy goldmine.
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